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Credibility
Thieves in Your Web Copy, a.k.a. Grammatical Goofs and Punctuation
Flubs
Make no mistake - the mood of the blogosphere is somewhat casual and free. No one is going to come down on you terribly hard if you stick a hyphen where an em-dash is supposed to go, or speak in phrases instead of full sentences on occasion. But even so - every now and then it's wise to take a quickie refresher course on How Not to Look Silly in Your Business Communication. In other words: mind your grammatical p's and q's.
Here are 9 Grammatical Goofs as contributed by my very astute blog readers - and a somewhat detailed lesson on each.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
1. Overabundance of exclamation points.
I hate to stereotype, but exclamation-point-itis is a primarily female affliction. I've yet to see a guy use more than two exclamation points max to convey his excitement. So chill out, ladies! Multiple exclamation points are the online equivalent of screeches and squeals.
If you're someone who cares about being taken seriously and in at least a semi-professional manner, consider losing the extra exclams. People aren't quite sure what to make of other people who are this enthusiastic. I'm thinking straight jacket.
Tip: instead of using lots and lots of exclamations, try using words to express how you feel.
Bad example: OMG! I think you're the coolest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corrected: Just knowing you makes me want to do cartwheels up and down the street!
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
According to Dr. Grammar, "myself" is a reflexive pronoun, just like its cousins "himself", "herself", "itself" and "themselves." When used properly, "myself" reflects back to "I" as the subject of the sentence.
Correct: I have excluded myself from the
running.
Incorrect: I have excluded me from the running.
The word "myself" can also be used intensively, for emphasis:
I myself have no intention of going to the game.
"I" generally functions as the subject of the sentence. This seems easy enough until the word "I" or "me" is paired with another noun. For some reason this confuses people.
Correct: John and I walked to school
again this morning.
Incorrect: John and me walked to school again this morning.
The trick is to take away the second part of the subject. In this case, we'll remove John from the scenario. Does it make sense to say "Me walked to school this morning?" No, unless you're Tarzan. Hence, "John and I walked" is the correct response.
"Me" is used as the object of a preposition or verb, as in "with me," "to me," "before me," "for me," "against me," and so forth.
Correct: Are you walking to school with
John and me?
Incorrect: Are you walking to school with John and I?
This is incorrect because "me" operates as the object of the preposition. If you were to remove our friend John from this scenario again, you'd find yourself asking, "Are you walking to school with I?" Clearly no one speaks this way - therefore, "with John and me" is the correct response here.
Is it ever appropriate to insert a "myself" where an "I" or "me" is supposed to go? The answer is NO - not ever! For some reason many professionals who hope to appear more intelligent seem to think that "myself" should be used as the object of the sentence.
Incorrect but frequently made error: "Are you coming to the meeting with John and myself?"
(By the way, just because you and John were heading to school a few paragraphs ago, and now you're all grown up and off to an important meeting does NOT make it okay to replace "me" with "myself" in a sentence like the one above.)
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
Here's a no-fuss method for determining "it's" or "it's." Recall that the apostrophe in "it's" indicates that a letter was dropped - that letter, or course being the exta "i" in "it is."
Example: It's so nice to see you. (It is so nice to see you.)
If you're still confused, think of the other "its" as being like its posessive pronoun cousins, "his", "her" and "your".
Correct: The rabbit licked its paw.
Incorrect: The rabbit licked it's paw.
Remind yourself that there is no apostrophe in this case by changing the its to "his" or "her."
his, her, its (all are pronouns, none require apostrophes)
The rabbit licked his paw.
The rabbit licked her paw.
(Does this work? Yes. Since his or her can be substituted here and neither require an apostrophe, neither does "its" in this particular case.)
You might also test this out by substituting the "it's in the sentence with "it is."
The rabbit licked "it is" paw?
No - that doesn't make any sense. So that means that "it is" does not fit here and therefore you do not need an apostrophe.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
4. Lose and Loose.
"Lose" is a verb, "loose" is an adjective. There is really no good trick for remembering when it's appropriate to use which spelling, other than sucking it up and just studying the two terms repeatedly until it's been burned into your brain forever.
If "lose and loose" continue to plague you, try copying this sentence and storing it somewhere handy so you can refer to it later:
When you lose a lot of weight, your pants become loose.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
5. One or two spaces after punctuation... but never NO spaces.
I myself advocate the use of ONE space after a period for any computer-based document. I say this because today's word processing programs automatically insert a skoche more room after the closing punctuation at the end of a sentence. So, when you do type two spaces after your periods, question marks and exclamation points, it comes across as a bit too pregnant of a pause.
However, I will acknowledge that not everyone subscribes to the one-space-after-a-period theory. Some modern computer users are still stuck in the pre-word-processing days, when documents were typed on good old Smith-Corona typewriters, and yes we were required to press the space bar twice before beginning a new sentence. That's all well and good; I can live with an extra period once in a while.
The offense I'm actually speaking of here has to do with weirdos who don't type ANY spaces after their closing punctuation. What is this about?
Correct: Jamie, Joan, and Judith all
went to a concert Tuesday. They got home really late.
Incorrect: Jamie,Joan,and Judith all went to a concert
Tuesday.They got home really late.
I realize that for some people who write web content, English is actually a second language. And kudos to them for being able to communicate in more than one tongue. But let me ask you: if you don't know English enough to realize that you need a space after punctuation, what the heck are you doing publishing business websites and pretending to come off as a professional? Burns my brisket, it does.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A DOLT, IT'S ALL-CAPPING EVERYTHING YOU SAY IN YOUR ONLINE CONVERSATIONS. WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE COMPELLED TO COMMUNICATE IN THIS MANNER, I ASK YOU?
I don't know for sure why some folks constantly communicate in all-caps. I just know that it's wrong, and it makes the rest of us cringe in pain and look away quickly. I suspect that in some cases, there is an automated web bot doing the typing, and that's why said poster is unable to switch back and forth between lowercase and capital. And I also suspect that said bots are likely programmed by spammers, who apparently believe that typing in all caps is the best way to attract attention.
All-caps certainly is eye-catching - but not in the way that these eager beavers are hoping.
Vulgar: LEARN THE SECRETS TOP COPYWRITERS USE TO GENERATE MORE SALES.
Better: Learn the Secrets Top Copywriters Use to Generate More Sales.
Tip: Instead of typing your headline in all capital letters, think of energizing words that will attract interest and make your readers want to know more. Use bold type to emphasize the most important parts.
Overabundance
of exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
Seems like everywhere you look, hyphens are being misused and downright abused. People either get hyphen-happy, or else they just decide to turn off the part of their brain that recognizes hyphens at all. Hyphens clarify meaning. Use a hyphen when putting two or more words together with the intention of giving them a new function. Okay, now let me say that again using Ye Olde Proper English terminology. Hyphenation is used in the case of compound modifiers - an adjectival or adverbial phrase consisting of two or more words.
Example: Check in before closing time.
In the above sentence, "check" is a verb and "in" serves as the object of the verb. Since each word has its own, separate function or purpose, "check in" does NOT require a hyphen.However, if you said "Check-in time is at 8:30 sharp," you'd need to hyphenate check-in. The reason: here, you're combining "check" and "in" to be used together as an adjective that modifies the word time, "check-in time."
Correct: Check in with me when you arrive.
Incorrect: Check-in with me when you arrive.
Wikpedia.org offers a great example of hyphenation: American-football player.
The hyphen is used here to clarify that we are talking about a player who plays the American sport of football, NOT an American player of the game football.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
8. To, two and too.
We learn the difference between "to," "two," and "too" back in early English class, and we're drilled on them repeatedly. And yet, many grown adults still have trouble telling these three apart.Well... let's hope most people know that "two" is the spelling of the numeral 2. And yet the other two continue to be interchanged. Chalk it up to careless typing and computer brain!"To" can be used as a preposition, as in, "to the zoo," "to the park, "to the left," "to the store.""Too" is another word for "also."
Example: It shouldn't be too difficult to use "to", "too" and "two" at least two times each.
Overabundance of
exclamation points
Me, myself and I
It's and its
Lose and loose
Spaces after punctuation
Capitalization craze
Hyphenation horrors
To, too, and two
Dangling or misplaced modifiers
9. Misplaced or dangling modifiers.
Modifiers are single words or phrases that describe other words. Sounds easy enough. The trouble comes, however, when the modifier is inserted into the wrong part of the sentence, thereby making it sound like we're describing something we never intended to describe.
Incorrect: Hot and delicious, the man devoured every last bit of clam chowder.
(Sounds like the man is hot and delicious, not the clam chowder!)
Correct: The man devoured every last bit of hot, delicious clam chowder.
Incorrect: Mrs. Brown slopped the pigs wearing her Sunday best.
Correct but not great: Wearing her Sunday best, Mrs. Brown slopped the pigs.
Perfectly conveyed: Mrs. Brown slopped the pigs even though she was wearing her Sunday best.
Incorrect: He nearly ate an entire box of Cheez-Its. (Sounds like he didn't actually ever eat the Cheez-Its.)
Correct: He ate nearly an entire box of Cheez-Its
When professional copywriters tell you that they "know how to get your point across clearly and succinctly," they're not feeding you a line of bull. What they really mean is that they possess a strong command of the English language. When it comes to communicating with your customers, that's pretty a critical skill to have, wouldn't you say?
Copyright 2007 Dina Giolitto, Wordfeeder.com Copywriting and Marketing. All rights reserved.
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